Night Swimming

As always, my mind has been spinning with thoughts these days.  I wake up in the morning with a ton of things on my mind, and this continues until I am laying in bed at night trying to wind down.  With every breath, I'm considering things that need to be done at work, the path in which my life is headed, steps I can take to be a better version of me, ways in which I can help my friends, items that need to be checked off my to do list, places that I want to visit, people that I want to see.  The thoughts are endless.  Many times a day, I begin to "write" some sort of reflection or observation to share, but before I get time to sit down and put those thoughts into a coherent sentence, I'm already bogged down by my next thought and too tired to muster up the energy to sort back through my mind to recreate the ideas that I was so excited to process.  So instead, I lay in bed wondering how another day went by without allowing myself some space to write, to talk, to get out of my head.  Which might be why I have spent so much of life externally quiet and internally loud.  I haven't quite found a time, place or person to let me take the time and just release some of what is floating around in this brain of mine.  And sometimes, I am swimming in it.

Light of Day

In the light of day, I know things will work out okay.  They always do, right?  The goal today is to spend less time in my head.  Starting now...

Inner Peace

One of the things that I frequently strive for is that feeling of inner peace. For me, this is about feeling calm and comfortable in the moment. There are so many times when I find myself feeling sad, anxious, guilty, behind or any other emotion that somehow puts me off kilter, and it is easy for me to get caught up in these emotions. This weekend, I had a number of moments when I felt at ease, even when there were things that could have set me off.

Last night, I went to the Hotel Cafe to see an LMU student perform. I love the Hotel Cafe. It is one of my favorite venues in Los Angeles. There's nothing like getting there early enough to grab a table, and then hanging out listening to the live music and enjoying the fantastic ambiance. Last night, I looked around the table, and realized some of my favorite people were by my side, and in a moment of clarity, I realized that I have made a great life for myself in LA. I have some great friends who make me smile and love me for who I am. I have a good job with people that I like. And I'm actively working to making progress on the things in my life that I'd like to see changed. There's not much more you can ask for.

Today, I had some more clarity as I listened to what I really wanted out of my day, and didn't worry about what anyone else wanted. I was invited to go to Disney, which is typically a no-brainer for me. But today, when asked, I almost felt obliged to go. Going to Disney? Yes! Done and done. But all of a sudden, I was really aware of the feeling inside of me telling me not to go...telling me to stay home with myself and just have some me time. So, despite feeling a little sad to be missing out, I kindly declined the offer and settled in for some time alone. And this was exactly what I needed. Now, as I'm tucked into bed and looking ahead to tomorrow, I feel very content with my day and more ready to take one another.

And isn't that something?

Focusing on Zen in 2010

This year's motto: Focusing on Zen in 2010. A wise person constantly tells me that I should follow what feels right at my core...I should really listen to the voice coming from my center and answer it. And when I do that, that's when I'll find inner peace. So, Zen...I'm going to focus as much as I can on my core and hopefully that peace will follow.

For now, my core is saying to get out of bed and watch college football...So, let the games begin!

a new hope

i left the gym today feeling lighter. not because i perspired my way through 8.5 miles on the bike, but because after i climbed the stairs to my polling place and voted in the 2008 presidential election. it was my fourth time voting in a presidential election, but for some reason, it felt different. it felt more inspiring. maybe it's because i truly feel excited about barack obama. or maybe it was the latte i treated myself to after my ballot was submitted. but either way, i took a deep breath and smiled at the world around me.

and now i go to bed, proud of my country for proving that you don't have to be an old, white man to be elected president of this great nation. and, regardless of your chosen candidate, i am proud of everyone i know for getting out to vote and play a role in this important day. the only way i could sleep more soundly was to know that californians chose NOT to vote hate and discrimination into our state constitution by putting limitations on the definition of marriage. unfortunately, i'm not sure that that's going to happen, but instead of laying here worrying about it, i think i'm going to take a deep breath and let the hope of it all be the louder voice in my head.