Thursday, December 31, 2009

Cherish What's Mine in '09

In three minutes, 2009 will come to a close, and so will this decade. My theme for the year was "Cherish What's Mine in '09," but it's not just what was mine in '09 that I cherish. Tonight I am reflecting back on the last ten years and holding dear to my heart many things.

Ten years ago tonight, I was hanging out in my parents' house with some of my closest, dearest friends. Phil, Rosanna, Jenny, John... We all crowded into my bedroom for the night and got up early to watch the first sunrise of the millennium.

In ten years, so much has changed and at the same time, nothing has changed. These people still all mean the world to me.

Tonight I am back in my parents' house, curled up in my pjs with my mom. And this is just how this year should start.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

And It All Goes Silent

Today, one of my biggest fears came true. And though I was told numerous times that "everything is going to be alright," it didn't make anything any easier. Right now, I feel numb. My eyes burn from crying. And my heart aches. Now, I'm just left with the hum...the hum of my head spinning and my emotions depleted. And though I can only hope that tomorrow I wake up and realize that this has all been a nightmare, I have to prepare myself for the likelihood that this is all real.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

A Perfect Quote

Scott Neurstadter on being from South Jersey and moving to LA:

"It took balls to leave Margate. Big ones. And like the good East Coast kid that I am, I was always terrified of L.A. I saw Annie Hall. I knew what a horrible, culture-less, soul-sucking city it was. There was no way in hell I was ever moving there. Then, when I was 25, I went to visit. I found out that this place is awesome. So now I live in Santa Monica, which is basically the Margate of L.A. You can't beat it."

Totally.

(500) Days of Summer

What a movie. Amazing and terrible, all at the same time. Just the kind of movie that pulls me in and breaks my heart. And through all of that, I'm left with a message peaking through my heartache. You can have an amazing love story with someone, but that doesn't make them your only love story. There's room for more than one in your life. I know that should give me hope, but right now I'm still sitting with the ache.

Monday, December 21, 2009

Airports

I'm at LAX awaiting my flight back east for the holidays. Airports bring about such interesting feelings for me. There is the joy of watching people greet each other after being separated. And there's the heartbreak of watching loved ones say goodbye. There's the fear in the eyes of those who don't like to fly, and the excitement of those headed to a much-anticipated destination. But no matter what you're feeling, airports have that buzz of movement. Everyone is on the move somewhere, and it reminds me of how quickly life can pass by. So as I sit here amongst the flutter, I can't help but think of those who mean the most to me, and how they keep me grounded no matter how high I fly.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Too Much

Sometimes, I feel too much. And sometimes, external things reaffirm some of my worst feelings and fears. I'm not sure why, but today is one of those days when all of this is happening, and right now it just feels like too much. I'm sitting here, looking around, and wondering how I ended up here. Again. Still.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Bump It

That's right. I bumped it. Straight from TV and right to my head. Tonight, I tried out the "As Seen on TV" favorite, Bump Its. These amazing pieces of plastic do wonders for the hair. I seriously couldn't believe how good my hair looked, and I wasn't even trying! Imagine if I put a little more effort into the do. I could have a seriously nice head of hair! So, now I'm intrigued. And I might even have to venture out and buy my own Bump It.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Hip Hop Holla-day!

Potentially offensive, but ever so much fun? That's right! Last night, I attended my first ever Hip Hop Holla-Day Party! The goal was to dress in your Hip Hop best before rollin' up to the crib. So, after a couple of days of searching the stores and racking my brain for ideas, I pulled out a fairly decent outfit. And, despite my endless supply of social anxiety, I had a good time.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

The Need for Speed

I had forgotten how good a move "Top Gun" is. Seriously good! I'm not just talking about the hot guys flying fast jets or the semi-forbidden love story. No...I'm talking about the story of friendship, the ghosts of parents' acceptance and the challenge of being your own worst enemy. There are so many layers...like an onion! And also like an onion, I can't help but tearing up in the movie's presence. I am so thankful that TBS brought this movie back into the forefront of my memory because I had almost lost that lovin' feeling.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

One Month

I did it. I have posted once a day for one month exactly. Who knew I was capable of it? I surely didn't. Something that I've found interesting during this month is that I have found myself more frequently thinking about what I want to blog about. However, it still isn't always easy to get to a computer and do the blogging. Why not? They say it only takes three weeks to create a habit. So if in one month, I can't fully feel comfortable saying that I've created a habit of blogging, how long will it take me to create a habit? How undisciplined am I that habits are so hard to come by? This surely gives me a little insight about other trends in my life that I haven't been able to make into good habits, but alas, I'm not giving up. I'm sticking with the blogging, and who knows! Maybe this can be the beginning of a little habit in my life.

Wednesday, December 09, 2009

Full of It

Full of what? Snot! I have a head cold. And isn't it amazing when you can all of a sudden realize that the cold is coming. For me, it typically starts in the throat, and works its way up. Before I know it, I can literally feel the cold forming in my head. Tonight, I desperately needed to finish grading papers, but I had to do so while drugged up on Dayquil because my nose wouldn't stop running and my throat was quite scratchy. So, now I lay in bed waiting for the Nyquil to take hold so that I can try to get some sleep before another day in the office. Snot, beware! I'm on to you.

Tuesday, December 08, 2009

Why Do I Watch?

I have a guilty pleasure television show. I am almost embarrassed to admit this, but I can't seem to stop watching the Road Rules/Real World Challenges. But though this is on my Tivo Season Pass list, there are a few things I can't seem to understand about these shows:

1. Why do we care about these people?
The majority of the people on these shows are selfish, greedy, shallow assholes who have centered their lives around being on MTV. There is nothing remotely likable about these people, and yet, somehow they continue to recruit new idiots to join this lot. How? Do they bribe these people with lots of money? Are these lonely folks who have no other method of creating a community? I truly can't think of why, after almost two decades of these shows, people would still want to become a part of what they know will become a hot mess.

2. Why do they make so much money for being asses?
I work my ass off everyday in my job. I work for others...to help others. And yet, these people make in four weeks what I make in a year (if not more). And they get to run around and act like fools. Many times, they don't even need to exercise morals. So why are we paying these people? Isn't there something better we could be doing with this money? Shouldn't we encourage these folks to go out and earn their money like the rest of us?

3. Are their parents proud of them?
I can't imagine the parents of these people tuning in to see them in action and beaming with pride. Is it just me? Lying, cheating, tormenting others. Most of the guys are degrading to women and completely sexist. The number of STIs within that group must be incredible. And how many of them have had to leave midseason for punching someone else? Seriously...do these mothers boast to their friends about what their kids are up to these days?

4. Does anyone actually watch these shows without contempt for the participants?
I loathe these people. It's like a train wreck. I can't stop watching. But it's not because I am getting anything fulfilling or reflective from these shows. Many times, I'm barely paying attention except when I am watching with my mouth hanging open at the way these people are treating each other. Is there anyone who is tuning in because they find these people enjoyable and wish they were their friends? God, I hope not.

Despite this ranting, I am still watching. Therefore, it leaves me with one last question: What's wrong with me?!

Monday, December 07, 2009

Caught in a Web

I just finished presenting as a co-instructor at my first web conference! And, I don't mind saying, I think it went pretty well. Content, transitions and pace all seemed good, despite my nerves. But, more exciting than all of that, there are two things I noticed about myself during this process:
  1. I thrive in a crisis! Right in the middle of me presenting on my case study, we experienced severe audio troubles. There was a loud static, and we all of a sudden lost all connections. I had to hang up, and try calling back in, which didn't work because there was a continuous busy signal. Fortunately, we were also connected through the web conference software, so the tech guy gave me the back door phone number to call in and get reconnected. Once we were all back and running, I felt a lot less nervous. What is it about crisis that brings me to a calm? I think it's a result of being in residence life for too long!
  2. I talk with my hands...A LOT!! I've always known this about myself, but when you are sitting alone in a room talking aloud to a computer, it tends to become much more noticeable. In fact, at times, I was overwhelmed at how important my hand motions were to me feeling like I got my point across.

So, not only did I have a good professional development experience, but I also had some good personal insight moments as well. Now let's hope I was helpful to the paying participants!

Sunday, December 06, 2009

A Hen and a Jiraffe

Last night was Stephanie's Hen's Night. Though she and Jason are officially married, their American ceremony is coming up in January, and tonight was the ladies' night that has been in the planning since May. Clearly, I was far from in the mood to go out and be social, but I was able to rally and at least get myself out the door for the festivities. The plan? To have dinner in Santa Monica and then karaoke at Max's Karaoke Studio. I had never been to Max's, but it was much like the traditional karaoke places in Japan, where you rent a private room by the hour. Naturally, here in LA, the place was a bit shadier than those in Osaka and Kobe, but it was still a lot of fun. However, the highlight for me was definitely dinner!

We dined at Jiraffe. I've been there before for Phil's birthday, so I knew that the food was outstanding. But right now, they are catering to folks who are headed to see the Cirque de Soleil in Santa Monica, so they have a Prix Fixe Menu for $44. With that, you get a choice of three appetizers, three entrees and three desserts. And after enjoying my own meal (and sampling the dishes of those around me), I was reminded of how good a fancy restaurant can be! So, the next time you are looking for a swanky night out (I'm thinking '12 Dates of Christmas,' Carmen!), definitely check out Jiraffe. It's well worth it!

Saturday, December 05, 2009

Like Quicksand

It never ceases to amaze me how quickly things can just crumble. I woke up this morning ready to tackle some errands and work up the social energy for Stephanie's hen's party tonight. So I rolled out the door in hopes of doing a little Christmas price tag shopping and maybe find something cute for the evening's event (since apparently folks were planning to wear dresses). Though originally I was hoping for some company, I was excited to head out with my own agenda and get things done.

Halfway through the Galleria, I could feel the dark cloud shifting overhead. Before I knew it, every thought in my head was self-deprecating. With every breath, I felt like the hideous person that I see in the mirror each morning. It was terrible. It took everything in my power now to burst into tears in the middle of commerce central. I tried to walk it off, and even grabbed a Starbucks in hopes of filling myself up with a little warmth (literally and figuratively). But none of it worked.

Then, my mindset started to impact my reality. I left my purse in a fitting room (fortunately it was there when I returned). I accidentally ran a red light (fortunately all cars were at a stop and no cops were around). And I finally lost my strength not to cry and started tearing up on the way home (fortunately I was alone, so no one noticed).

So now I am home. I turned the Christmas tree on and lit my new candles. I have two hours to find some cheer before I have to get ready for the evening's events. But for now, I'll just sit in silence and let it all soak in.

Friday, December 04, 2009

Dodging Balls

Each year, on or near the last day of classes in the Fall semester, the professionals from the offices within the Division of Student Affairs gather for a friendly tournament of dodgeball. And each year, I sit back and watch (and cheer, of course!) at the wonder that is my colleagues running around the court throwing balls at each other. It makes me laugh. It makes me smile. And it is one of those moments when I am eternally grateful for working at a place like LMU. After all, I spent the last hour of my work week getting paid for hanging out with fun people and laughing a lot.

Thursday, December 03, 2009

It Lights Me Up

I am really excited to come home from work these days. And this isn't because I'm dreading work and can't wait to leave the office. This is because my Christmas tree is officially up and all decorated, and it makes me happy to come home and look at it. I have never thought of myself as someone who was overly into the Christmas cheer. I like Christmas and all, but I'm more of a Thanksgiving girl. But somehow, once that tree is up, it truly does light up my world. I can stare at it for hours, taking in the ornaments and the lights. It makes me wish I had a family here so that I can put presents under the tree. I might start buying gifts and placing them under anyway! But, for right now, putting up my tree was definitely a present to myself.

Wednesday, December 02, 2009

NaBloPoMo Reviewed

So, somehow, I did it. From the day that I learned of NaBloPoMo (November 10) through the last day of the month, I managed to blog once a day. Not bad, eh? In fact, not only is it not bad, but I would say that I am quite pleased with myself and my blogging this month. And here are some of the things that I learned:
  • In order to blog, I don't need to do a long novella of information. I just need some thought from the day that I can expand on as little or as much as I'd like. So rather than shy away because I feel like I don't have a lot to say, I should blog something little.
  • Blogging is something simple that I can do right before I go to bed. It might mean 15 minutes fewer on Farmville, but my crops will survive.
  • Once I got into the habit, I found myself thinking about what my make a good blog entry throughout the day. It was almost fun for me to give my typically swamped brain something fun to focus on.
  • I really like to blog. Even if no one is reading, I'm still writing and getting some of my creativity flowing. This is something that I miss in my everyday work, so blogging is a small outlet to bring it back to me.
So, now the question, can I keep it up? My first goal is to make it until December 10, since that will officially be a month of blogging. Once I get there, then we'll see what the next goal is. As I tell my staff all of the time, I have to make tangible steps for myself to accomplish so that I can set me up for success.

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

An LMU Wonderland

Tonight was the Christmas tree lighting on campus. And, like many things that happen here at LMU, I left filled with wonderment at getting to work at a place like this.

In addition to the ASLMU mugs and free hot chocolate, Iggy the Lion was in full Santa costume. Behind the tree was the ice skating rink, where your donation to take a few laps around the faux ice went straight to the Make-a-Wish Foundation. And if that wasn't enough holiday cheer, there were also horse-drawn carriage rides around Alumni Mall. There were a few hundred people both from LMU and the Westchester community gathered around. There were students spontaneously caroling and folks hugging everywhere. If snow had miraculously started falling from the sky, I wouldn't have been surprised.

And just as Fr. Lawton finished his blessing, the Christmas tree was lit, right on cue. Even Rockefeller Center could learn a thing or two from LMU.

Monday, November 30, 2009

Mondays Suck

Today was definitely a Monday.

I set my alarm to go to the gym this morning. The only problem is that I didn't turn the alarm on. So instead of getting up at 6:45 to workout, I got up at 8:15 and couldn't believe I overslept. In a moment of frustration, I slammed my head back down on the pillow and before I knew it, it was 10am! Well, that's no way to start the week.

So, I flew out of bed and ran to the bathroom to begin getting ready for work. The minute I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, I was horrified. Who was that staring back at me? She was old and hideous! She made me want to cry. But I had no time for a break down given that I'd already overslept. So, I continued getting ready, and tried to ignore the second need for a break down once I got to my closet and realized that I had nothing to wear because I no longer fit into anything.

Once out the door, I was pondering the horrible start to the day when I realized I had forgotten my sunglasses. Me? Without sunglasses? Unheard of! But, given how crappy a day it was, I couldn't be too surprised.

So, I trudge into my office and immediately try to get in work mode. When my first 1:1 shows up, she asks how my day is going. Not one for being the "fine" kind of generic responder, I let her know that it's been a rough morning. Her response, "are you seeing someone for your low self-esteem issues?" Wow. Now, this is a staff member who I already don't think likes me too much, so for her to be pondering my need to mental health assistance, I had to wonder if it was out of concern or annoyance. I assured her I was deep into years of therapy, and continued about my day. I had a small reprieve from the grind when my afternoon meeting was cancelled, allowing me a chance to sneak over to the Lair for some lunch. When I got there, I was given a pissy shoulder by one of my friends for being a no show at the gym that morning. I tried not to take it too personally, but the truth is, I couldn't help it.

Later, as I was retelling all of this to AJ, he told me he wished I had told him I was in such a bad mood before he agreed to go program shopping with me. I know he was kidding, which is the only reason I didn't kill him. Although, at one point, he was concerned that I might strangle a random person in the mall for now reason.

I made my way back to campus with a few good purchases and feeling a little better about the end of my day. I got home, finished laundry and got my Christmas tree up and almost decorated. I also spent a lot of good QT with Carmen working on her resume and cover letter. Just when I was thinking that the day was ending on a good note, I got a text message from one of my staff asking me why I wasn't at her staff meeting. F*@K!! I totally forgot. Ugh. One more reason for her to dislike me.

So that was that. A definite Monday.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

The Scary Truth

So, Michele posted this on her live journal recently, and I couldn't help but be intrigued enough to repost it here. It's scary to admit some of these, and may I remind you that a few of these are only because of shows Kayla made me watch!

*Sigh* Here goes...

Rules:
- Bold all of the following TV shows which you've ever seen 3 or more episodes of in your lifetime.
- Italicize a show if you're positive you've seen every episode of it.

24
7th Heaven
ALF
Alias
American Gothic
America's Next Top Model
Angel
Arrested Development
Babylon 5
Batman: The Animated Series
Battlestar Galactica (the old one)
Battlestar Galactica (the new one)
Baywatch
Beverly Hills 90210
Bewitched
Bonanza
Bones
Bosom Buddies
Boston Legal
Boy Meets World
Brothers And Sisters
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Californication
Chappelle's Show
Charlie's Angels
Charmed
Cheers
Chuck
Clarissa Explains it All
Columbo
Commander in Chief
Crossing Jordan
CSI
CSI: Miami
CSI: NY
Curb Your Enthusiasm
Dark Angel
Dark Skies
DaVinci's Inquest
Dawson's Creek
Dead Like Me
Deadwood
Degrassi: The Next Generation
Designing Women
Desperate Housewives
Dexter
Dharma & Greg
Different Strokes
Doctor Who
Dragnet
Due South
ER
Even Stevens
Everwood
Everybody Loves Raymond
Facts of Life
Family Guy
Farscape
Fawlty Towers
Felicity
Firefly
Frasier
Friends
Fringe
Futurama
Get Smart
Gilligan's Island
Gilmore Girls
Glee
Gossip Girl
Grey's Anatomy
Grange Hill
Growing Pains
Gunsmoke
Happy Days
Hercules: the Legendary Journeys
Heroes
Home Improvement
Homicide: Life on the Street
House
I Dream of Jeannie
I Love Lucy
Invader Zim
Invasion
Hell's Kitchen
JAG
Jackass
Joey
Kim Possible
Knight Rider
Knight Rider: 2008
Kung Fu
Kung Fu: The Legend Continues
La Femme Nikita
LA Law
Laverne and Shirley
Law and Order: SVU
Leverage
Little House on the Prairie
Lizzie McGuire
Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman
Lost
Lost in Space
MASH
MacGyver
Malcolm in the Middle
Married... With Children
McLeods Daughters
Melrose Place
Miami Vice
Mission: Impossible
Mod Squad
Monk
Mork & Mindy
Murphy Brown
Mystery Science Theater 3000
My Life As A Dog
My Three Sons
My Two Dads
Mythbusters
NCIS
Ned Bigby's Declassified School Survival Guide
Nip/Tuck
Numb3rs
One Tree Hill
Oz
Perry Mason
Power Rangers
Press Gang
Prison Break
Private Practice
Privileged
Profiler
Project Runway
Psych
Pushing Daisies
Quantum Leap
Queer As Folk (US)
Queer as Folk (UK)
ReGenesis
Remington Steele
Rescue Me
Road Rules
ROME
Roseanne
Roswell
Sanctuary
Scooby-Doo, Where Are You?
Scrubs
Seaquest DSV
Seinfeld
Sex and the City
Six Feet Under
Slings and Arrows
Smallville
So Weird
South of Nowhere
South Park
Spongebob Squarepants
Star Trek
Star Trek: The Next Generation
Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Star Trek: Voyager
Star Trek: Enterprise
Stargate Atlantis
Stargate SG-1
Starsky & Hutch
Superman
Supernatural
Surface
Survivor
Taxi
Teen Titans
That 70's Show
That's So Raven
The 4400
The Addams Family
The Amazing Race
The Andy Griffith Show
The A-Team
The Avengers
The Beverly Hillbillies
The Brady Bunch
The Cosby Show
The Daily Show
The Dead Zone
The Dick Van Dyke Show
The Flintstones
The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
The Golden Girls

The Honeymooners
The Jeffersons
The Jetsons
The Love Boat
The Magnificent Seven
The Mary Tyler Moore Show
The Monkees
The Munsters
The Office (US)
The Office (UK)
The Powerpuff Girls
The Pretender
The Real World
The Shield
The Simpsons
The Six Million Dollar Man
The Sopranos
The Suite Life of Zack and Cody
The Twilight Zone
The Waltons
The West Wing
The Wonder Years
The X-Files
Third Watch
Three's Company
Twin Peaks
Twitch City
Unfabulous
Ugly Betty
Veronica Mars
Weeds
Whose Line is it Anyway? (US)
Whose Line is it Anyway? (UK)
Will and Grace
Wings
Xena: Warrior Princess

The Greatest Gift

So, today when I called my brother to wish him a happy birthday, I asked him what he wanted as a gift. He told me about the video games he had received, and that Kayla and Lindsay had gotten him a bunch of snowboarding gear. Now, I was with my brother when he learned to ski. He was a bit of a natural because he had no fear. Of course, he was in fourth grade and was a lot more limber. And, I don't recall him being skiing since then or snowboarding ever. So, I was a little surprised. I asked him since when he snowboarded, and he told me he was going to start. After hearing all of the things he had already received, I asked again what I could get him. He said the only thing he needed now was under armor for his snowboarding gear. Under armor? Seriously? So, for my brother's 29th birthday, I am going to buy him underwear. Awesome.

Golden Boy


Happy Birthday to my Phippy!! Today, he is 29 on the 29th...his golden birthday. I'm sad I am not in Jersey to celebrate with him, but I am sending him all of my love. So, to my Phippy...celebrate well! I love you!

Saturday, November 28, 2009

My Favorite Rainbow

Since I moved to California, there's a little road trip that I've been dying to take. A road trip that combines two of my favorite things: shopping and flip flops. And as a girl who grew up in a beach town and learned to love Rainbows at a young age, how could I pass up a jaunt down to San Clemente to visit the Rainbow Factory Store?

As we turned the corner, it was just as I imagined. It is a small little shop with nothing too fancy to the outside of it. And when you walk in, there are surfing photos and worn down flops framed on all of the walls. I wouldn't have it any other way. And the best part...there are flip flops everywhere!

Pink. Green. Gray. Blue. White. Black. Leather. Hemp. Rubber. Thong. Slide. Loafer. You name it, and they had it. I was in flop heaven.

Friday, November 27, 2009

Breaking the Ice

On my final day of a week of thankful blogs, I am thankful for teambuilders. Today, Yas, AJ, Marci and I went wine tasting in Temecula. At one point, we were in the car and the sun was setting. We were all laughing, and I got a wave of love for the three of them. I felt so lucky to have them in my life. And just when I thought the day was as great as it could be, somehow Yas worked in a teambuilder. Each of us had to choose three words to describe the others. Well, of course, Yas and Marci were all over this activity. And though I was much more quiet about it, I too love a good emotion-fest. Poor AJ was crawling in his skin at the idea of having to be real and share his feelings, but because he's a trooper, he took a deep breath and emoted along with us (just not as loudly). Marci and Yas both ended up in tears. AJ curled up in a ball to avoid being touched by Yas and Marci as they were reaching out for affection. I just had to smile at all of it. As cheesey as it may seem, I am so grateful to have spent a few minutes getting some affirmation by people I love. And isn't that what teambuilding is all about?

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Thankful for Thanksgiving

So, I know I said that I wasn't going to talk about how I was grateful for my family, but the truth is, I lied. There is no way I could ever discuss the things I was thankful for without mentioning them. And I can think of no better day to honor them than on Thanksgiving. So today, I am thankful for Thanksgiving and my family.
  • My parents have given me everything. My mom gave me her kindness, her ability to love with her whole heart and her sense of responsibility. My dad gave me his passion for knowledge, his fierce loyalty and his intrigue with the creative side of life. Together, they gave me life and they gave me a life. There are no words for how much I love them.
  • My grandmother has given me so much. She taught me the importance of loving and laughing. She introduced me to the world of travel and taught me that I could more than dream of far off places. She role modeled for me the importance of being a strong, independent woman. My grandmother is more than a grandmother; she is a friend.
  • My brother, in many ways, is my other half. There is so much that we share: our mother's nose, our father's eyes, our mother's heart, our father's creativity, our passion for education. And yet, there is so much in which we differ: where our loyalties lie, with what we struggle, how we live our daily lives. And though we don't talk as frequently as I would like, there is never a day that he isn't in my heart and mind. He is my other half, and I don't work without him.
  • My niece is the love of my life. I didn't know the heart was capable of loving someone so much until she was born. She brings joy to my life even when she is driving me crazy. I make decisions in life with her in mind because I want to create a great world for her to live in. Loving her has made me realize that I absolutely want to have children. She is my heart.
  • My sister-in-law is an amazing woman. I knew very early on in her relationship with my brother that she was family. I love her because she is an old soul, like me. I love her because she puts family first and includes my family in that. I love her because she loves my niece and actively works to be a good role model for her. And I love her because she loves my brother. She is the best sister I could have ever asked for.
I have many other family members who I love with all of my heart, but to mention all of them would take up a year's worth of blogs. But, they are all extremely important to me. I also am very fortunate to have friends in my life who are more like family because I love them that much. To Shannon, Rosanna, Jenny, Phil, Yas, Karen, Elyse, Marci, AJ and the other great friends in my life: Thank you for being the family that I choose. And thank you for choosing to love me in return.

With such amazing people in my life, I can be nothing but grateful on a day like today.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

I've Come to my Senses

On my third day of thankful blogging, I am thankful for a set of five things that many of us take for granted every day. Today, I am thankful for my senses. And though I am usually a bit partial to some over others, I'd like to share some of my favorite things about each one.

Taste
My grandmother's manicotti. My mother's Thanksgiving dinner. Sushi in Japan. Barbecue in Brazil. New York pizza. Chocolate.

Touch
A new set of sateen sheets. The skin of a new baby. Snow as you are building a snowman. The sand when you are walking down the beach. A hug.

Hearing
Kayla's giggle when she's having fun. Matt Nathanson live on stage. A friend's voice when you feel all alone. Silence when you've had a long day.

Sight
A smile on a friend's face. Kayla while she is asleep. Leaves falling from the trees in the Fall. The color green. Sunrises. Sunsets.

Smell
Freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. The cologne of the man you love. Salt on skin after a day at the beach.

Need I say more?

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Freedom

Today, AJ brought this little piece of pop culture into my life, and I immediately realized that this was what I was thankful for today.



Not only am I thankful for the amazing lyrics and energetic vibe of Miley Cyrus's amazing hit, "Party in the USA," I am even more thankful that Disney allowed this video to remain on YouTube so that the world could enjoy it. As an ally to all of my gay male friends, I am thankful that we live in a world where you can celebrate Miley in all of your glory. And, as a straight woman, I'm glad I live in a world where teeny boppers can create incredibly catchy songs that I am allowed to like even though I am a grown woman.

And for this, I am thankful!

Monday, November 23, 2009

My Favorite Holiday

This week is my favorite holiday: Thanksgiving! I have always been a Thanksgiving girl. I can't imagine anything better than curling up in a warm, comfortable clothes and hanging out all day long with my family and friends while eating good food. So, in honor of this lovely day, I have decided to dedicate this week's blogging to highlighting one thing a day for which I am extremely thankful. Now, clearly I could spend my time telling you all about my family, which would be the easy way to blog through this topic; however, I would venture a guess that if you know me well, then you know how important my family is to me. So instead, I'll share a few other things that are important to me.

I am thankful for my passport.


With this small document, I can travel anywhere I want. It is literally my ticket that opens the doors to the many cultures and beauty around the world. With my passport, I have been to over 19 countries on six continents. I have taken safaris in African and slept in the Outback of Australia. I have sat on the beaches of Hawaii and stared on the Sistine Chapel in Italy. There are so many experiences I have been able to have in my 31 years, and so many more that I want to have. I am thankful everyday that I have been able to travel to so many places. I have learned so much during these adventures and really grown my love of social justice. These travels have really made me who I am today. For this, I am extremely thankful.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

What's in a Dream?

So, last night, I had the strangest dream. And truthfully, it is so bizarre, that I feel it needs no more set up than that.

In my dream, I was at my grandmother's house in Yonkers. For some reason, my cousin Jessica and I were both wearing wedding dresses, and apparently we were getting married on the same day or at least in close proximity time wise. Apparently it was Christmas time because I was wandering around each of the rooms in the house counting the numbers of Christmas trees and Christmas tree shaped decorations that were up. There were 64, in case you were wondering. While I was doing this, I kept bumping into my dad, who also seemed to be wandering aimlessly through the house. When I got to the kitchen, my Uncle Milo was there cooking. It was a very real scene. He had the sauce on the stove top and a bottle of wine on the table...very typical of family dinners at my grandma's. Eventually, I made my way into the TV room, which is were Jessica and I were both standing in our wedding dresses. Then my cousin Stefanie showed up, but instead of being the current day 20-something-year-old, she was a little kid. Maybe around 7 or 8. She was standing in front of me reaching up for me and yanking on the front of my dress, like little kids tend to do. Then, when she walked away, I realized that she had spilled orange juice down the front of my dress. Well, clearly, I was extremely distraught. I immediately started freaking out and saying to Jessica, "What am I going to do? Oh my God! My dress is ruined." I was crying and frantically searching for something to try to get the orange juice off, and Jessica was less than worried about it. She calmly handed me a paper towel, and then went back to being unconcerned about my dress. At one point, I remember her looking at me and shrugging, as if to say, "Oh well."

After a bit of frantically trying to get the stains out of my dress and crying to Jessica, I really wanted my mom. I knew she would be the only person to make it better. (So typical of me when I am upset.) Unfortunately, my mom apparently was a game show host and was in the middle of taping a show. The folks who worked on the show refused to let me talk to her, even though I was having a wedding dress emergency. Somehow, like it often happens in dream world, I was magically transported to the set of her game show, where I could see her in the distance, but couldn't get to her. It was terrible.

That's when I woke up.

What the hell does that dream mean?

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Where Everybody Knows My Name

Okay, maybe not my name, but there is a place in town that does have that homey feeling because they at least know my face!

Tucked away along a strip of cafes and shops along Highland Ave. in Manhattan Beach is my favorite brunch shop, The Local Yolk.


On a weekly basis (and sometimes more often), I drag myself out of bed and mosey my way to the Local Yolk to enjoy some extremely hot coffee and a delicious breakfast treat. Here, I am always greeted by Ramon with a hug, before he gets our coffee and turns us over to our server. And even the servers whose names we don't know greet us with a smile because they recognize our faces. There's nothing like living in a city of millions of people, but still having a place where you can show up and be greeted as if you lived in a small town. And in my life, that place is The Local Yolk.

So, the next time you find yourself in Manhattan Beach, I recommend stopping by The Yolk for some friendly faces and appetizing food.

Friday, November 20, 2009

A Tweet for a Treat

Today, I tweeted. It was my first time. I still don't know how I feel about it.

Yes, that's right. I'm on the fence about Twitter. The whole world seems to be tweeting these days, but truthfully, I don't fully understand the appeal. Basically, it's just a Facebook status, so why not just update your status? Clearly, the concept is lost upon me.

However, I have recently begun snooping around Twitter for the purpose of following a few of my favorite musicians (Matt Nathanson is always good for a chuckle) and some celebrities who are damn witty (like HIMYM's Alyson Hannigan and Neil Patrick Harris). And in doing so, I decided to follow my favorite Bevery Hills cupcake shop, Sprinkles. You might be wondering how much a cupcake shop could have to say, but you'd be surprised. Almost daily, Sprinkles posts a secret phrase, and if you whisper this phrase at the shop, you get a free cupcake. Genius! And though I've seen these tweets come up on my phone and Carmen continuously reminds me of word of the day, I have never actually made it there to do the whispering.

Well, all of that changed today.

Today, I marched right into the shop, and whispered, "80,000," and for that, I got to pick a cupcake of my choice. And my choice was Chocolate Marshmallow. As I was eating my cupcake once I was back in the comforts of my own home, I was pondering how delicious it was. And while pondering, I realized that without Twitter, there would be no free cupcake. So, for that, I felt I owed the site a tweet. So tweet I did. And though I'm still a bit unsure about Twitter, I'd tweet again for a treat any time!

Wolves and vampires and pouting...Oh My!

Tonight, I saw the second Twilight movie. And though it was not an academy award winning film, it was still quite enjoyable. Let's be honest, if you go to a Twilight film expecting much more than a mindless cinematic adventure, then you have set yourself up for disappointment before you've even step foot in the theatre. But if you fully allow yourself to become immersed in a world of vampires and werewolves and cheesy romance, then you can set down a path to an enjoyable movie-going experience.

Now, don't get me wrong. There are definitely some matters of discontent for me about these movies. But mainly this is stemmed in my leftover bitterness at not having a teenage experience that included hot guys fawning over me despite my angst and whiney nature. Seriously?! What is so appealing about Bella Swan? I work with students like her everyday, and I find her apparent innate lovability the least realistic part of these stories (and mind you, she's surrounded by vampires and wolves!)

Alas, regardless of how likable I find this character, I am glad that her fictional existence provides me with the opportunity to retreat into teenage fantasy land where I can wish that I could be 17 and dealing with such a torrid love life. Instead, I'll remain 31 and dealing with a non-existent love life. And I might also pick up the Twilight books and do some rereading to pass the time until my vampire arrives.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

The Sound of Silence

I am laying here in bed thinking about how much I love the sound of silence. As someone who spends a lot of time in her head, I am acutely aware that I tend to enjoy silence much more than the typical person. It is not unusual for me to be driving a long distance before I realize that I haven't turned the radio on yet. And I've been known to come home from work and just sit on the couch with no computer or TV to distract me. Silence is a very calming presence to me, and I've come to rely on it in many situations.

But as I lay here, I can't help but realize that I really like how silence sounds. It's so peaceful. You might think that it is an empty sound, but really, silence is very full of the small things you might miss when noise is present. When I'm in Jersey visiting my family, I love it when I am up after everyone has gone to bed or after everyone has left for work, because it leaves me alone with the silence of the house. There are certain patterns to the silence of each space that becomes so comforting. And no matter how long it is between visits, the familiarity to the silence of my childhood home never decreases.

And now, as I listen to the silence of my apartment, it's familiarity and comfort washes over me. Maybe it's because I so rarely get true silence here - due to the hundreds of college students that surround me - that I can't help but be humbled by its sound right now. But whatever the case, it's a beautiful thing. It makes me feel very safe and very much at home.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Spirit in the Sky

Today was the first LMU tailgate before the men's basketball game. The event has had quite the build up, given the lack of spirit events on this campus. When I got home from work to change my clothes, I was taken aback at how bright my bedroom was since there were no lights on. But, the big Lion shining off of Gersten and bouncing right into my window definitely was a sign that a new era of spirit had arrived.

The good news is that the tailgate was very much under control. It wasn't the madhouse of people that I was expecting. I pictured rows and rows of tents set up with students piled under each, boozing it up before tip off. Instead, the booths outlined Hannon Field and folks just wandered around and enjoyed themselves. We were all pleasantly surprised by the behavior of our students.

And as I entered the arena, I even got a rush of excitement that reminded me of my college days when I would enter Cole Field House with the anticipation of a close game between the Terps and one of their ACC rivals. I would be excited to cheer and yell with my peers. I would love to people watch in the crowded stands. So, as I entered Gersten, I was overwhelmed by my disappointment. First, it is unfair to compare Gersten to a Cole Field House because they are not in the same league of venues. The size alone made me feel like I was entering a high school game, instead of a Division 1-A event. And I stood there, waiting for the seats behind me to fill up and waiting for the seats across from me to fill up, and I realized what a daunting task it was going to be for our Lions to build some pride.

So, how does a University create spirit? How do we take a student body from not caring to caring so much they'd spend the night out for tickets? How do we pack the stands of Gersten in order to one day justify building a larger arena? I honestly have no idea. Should we be bribing students to come to the games in hopes that once they are there, they'll actually enjoy themselves and want to come back? If not, what is it going to take to get the seats filled?

I know one of the answers is that our team needs to win. But how do we recruit solid talent if recruits come to campus and see an empty audience? I'm just not sure how to solve the chicken or the egg conundrum. But something does need to be done.

In the mean time, I'll continue to come home to a Lion shining into my bedroom each time we have a home game. And each time I see that glimmer of spirit in the sky, I'll hope that we are one step closer to creating some true spirit here at LMU.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

11/17

It's officially 11/17. Happy birthday John. I miss you very much.

Monday, November 16, 2009

The Pain in my Head

So, I had a terrible migraine. The type that makes me want to just curl up in a ball and cry. At one point, I truly thought my brain was fighting to escape from my skull. So, now that my head is feeling better, I couldn't help but look up the formal definition of a migraine.

When I first entered "what is the definition of migraine," I scrolled right past the first few results and went straight to the extremely reliable source, Wikipedia! After glancing through everyone's favorite online reference site, I went back to check out a more reliable source: MedicineNet. Both sites confirmed what I already suspected; during a migraine, my head is literally exploding! Okay, well that might be a little dramatic, but the blood vessels in my brain are actually expanding. So it's not that far off.

Fortunately, the pain in my head has stopped. At least for now. Since I get frequent headaches and semi-frequent migraines, I know there is more pain around the corner, but at least right now, I feel hopeful for a pain-free sleep. And sometimes, that's all you can ask for.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Frozen in Time

I've been having a rough week. This is not the typical rough week, either. I don't care about deadlines or laundry or chores or whatever other mundane things typically occupy my mind. This week, my heart's been aching a lot missing John.

I've been having many moments this week where the pain of missing him has been overwhelming. The kind of sadness that takes your breath away. And this type of mourning is so unpredictable. Who knows where it comes from or what brings it on. All I know is that he has been in and out of my dreams continually. I've woken a few times expecting to see him standing there because he just feels so close. And yet, when I wake, he's not there. And then the knowledge that he won't be there floods me with sadness.

One of the hardest things about missing John is that it feels like a very lonely journey. When the pain is greater than usual, I immediately wish I could be sitting with Jenny, laughing and hugging, like we always do when we're together. But I can never bring myself to pick up the phone and call her during these times because I know how much more difficult it must be for her. And it feels the same with all of our other friends. I feel like we all cope differently and very privately when it comes to missing John. But today, the pain was great enough that I had to at least put some of my thoughts into words, even if just the written word.

Coincidentally, John's birthday is this week. He would've been 32. Instead, he is forever frozen in time as a 22-year-old. Sometimes I watch my students do something or say something, and I see a glimpse of John in them. It makes my heart ache for who we all were when we were that age. And it makes me ache for the man he would be today. I miss the John he was and the John he would've become. And the unfairness of the situation just never stops burning.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

The Good Tired

350 cheering, yelling, dancing, laughing RAs from around the region. After 12 hours, I am officially drained.

Today we hosted a regional student leadership conference at LMU. When we set out to do this over the summer, I kept wondering if I would ever regret the decision. And now that it has come and gone, I am happy to report, that I never did. In fact, I'm quite proud of the work that was done by the majority of the LMU staff. And as I stood back during the opening and closing sessions, and watched as the madness ensued, I couldn't help but smile heartedly. These are students...enjoying life...loving their jobs...and excited to make a difference. And I get paid to be a part of this. I'm a lucky girl.

And now, after hours of being on and organizing details, I am definitely tired. But luckily, it is the good tired. And it's nothing a little RockBand and a good night's rest can't fix!

Friday, November 13, 2009

The Droid has Landed

I did it. I bought the Droid. And in less than 24 hours, it showed up on my desk. Now I have a new gadget to learn and love.

Jersey Shore

Yesterday, I was flipping through the channels and came across a very upsetting commercial on MTV. (And by flipping through the channels, I mean watching an episode of the Real World/Road Rules Challenge that I had tivo'd. It's a guilty pleasure, okay!) Anyway...

Why does MTV have to torture the already strained reputation of my great home state by creating a reality television show based on the lives of the least lovely people who live on the Jersey Shore? These people are not representative of the majority of us who grew up in this great region of the country, and yet they are the ones who are flaunting themselves around and making an arse out of my state. It is so infuriating. And why must MTV sink so low as to exploit these idiots? They actually used the term 'guido' in the commercial to describe some of the characters. Seriously?!?

I should sue them for emotional distress.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

"I'm Really Angry at that Kid"

Isn't it amazing how a television show can bring up such emotion in us? What happened to the days when we could watch 30 minutes of television where there was always some funny misunderstanding or lesson to be learned before the credits rolled? When Jason and Maggie would sit Mike or Carol or Ben down to help them grow from that week's episode? Sure, I might have teared up at "the very special episode" of each series, but somehow, these days, shows seem to bring a tear to my eye more frequently than not.

There's one show in particular that really brings up a lot of emotion for me. As I was watching the final few minutes of this week's episode, somebody on the show made a comment about being really angry at the person they used to be. In that moment, the tears started. For whatever reason, that one statement really triggered in me some of my own self disappointments, and now I am left in the silence of the room pondering these thoughts. It's amazing how you can be your own worst enemy or your own greatest frustration. How does someone get to that point? Do we learn this self doubt? Is this somehow reinforced along the way? And even when you feel like you've taken 50 steps forward, in a moment like this, it can feel like you haven't made any progress at all.

Again, all of this from a TV show. Amazing the impact it can have. And amazing how the silence that comes once the show has ended can often feel louder than those 30 second commercial breaks.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

A Sign from a Droid

For the majority of my life, when I heard Android, I thought R2D2. Well, secondly, I would definitely think C3PO, but clearly I was an R2 girl from the first screening of Episode IV. Now, there's a new Android in town, and this time, it's biggest competition is an Apple.

Less than a week ago, Verizon released the Droid, the new major competition for the iPhone. As a Mac user and Apple enthusiast, I couldn't imagine there ever being a phone I would be eager to own other than the iPhone, but seemingly overnight, the Droid has entered my radar. All of the features without having to leave Verizon! Could it be true? In the five days since Carmen and Marci have purchased their Droids, they have been more than happy with it. It gave me great hope and excitement to see how their affection for their phones would continue until it was my turn to be due for an upgrade sometime in 2010.

Well, wouldn't you know that when I woke up this morning and began flipping through my emails, I noticed one with an intriguing subject from Verizon. Usually I immediately delete messages that I know are just advertisements, but something about this one made me curious. And when I opened it, I was definitely glad I did. It was an offer "for select customers only" to upgrade to a new phone - including the Droid - early! Now, though I know this is a marketing ploy to keep me with Verizon before I'm tempted to jump ship to the iPhone, I couldn't help but be pulled into the scheme. A new phone! Lots of apps! Cool touch screen! No leaving Verizon! Hmmm...

So, now the decision is: to Droid or not to Droid?

A New Look

So, the lovely Carmen was kind enough to help me do a little updating to the look of my blog. I figured if I am going to give this NaBloPoMo thing a shot, I might as well take the time to clean up the place! So this is just a small shout out to Carmen for her help! You're the best!

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

NaBloPoMo

What is it about a name like NaBloPoMo that would ever make me think that I want to participate in such an activity? The clever abbreviation? The funny sound it makes? You'd think so, and I'm not saying that neither of those played a part peeking my interest, but it was really it's similarity in NaNoWriMo that did the trick.

NaBloPoMo...NaNoWriMo... Considering both of these are activities geared toward those who like to toy around with the written word, one might think better names (or at least names that make sense) would have been selected. None the less, apparently November, in addition to being NaNoWriMo, is now NaBloPoMo. And I couldn't help but want to jump on board.

Let me start at the beginning. A few years ago, back when I was living in Massachusetts, I came across a book called "No Plot? No Problem." This book is written by the creator of "National Novel Writing Month" (affectionately referred to as NaNoWriMo), and it's a guide to doing exactly that: writing a novel in one month. For someone like me, this idea is genius. Writing a book is actually a dream of mine. I love to write, and am completely intimidated by the idea of trying to create a cohesive story out of few cohesive thoughts. This book helps to break down the process to make it less intimidating. The author even admits that his first novel is shoved in the back of a drawer somewhere, not worthy of others' eyes. However, with each passing year and with each completed novel, he has gained more and more confidence in his ability to string together a story.

When I read this book, I was intrigued. I immediately wanted November to come around so that I, too, could join forces in NaNoWriMo. However, by the time the next November came around, I was sailing somewhere in Asia with 600 college students and not enough focus to even try to write a chapter. And when the next November came around, I was settling into a new job and a new home in Los Angeles. And really, after that, it slowly was filed in the back of my mind as something I might do someday in life. Now, I could spend hours talking about all of the things in my life that have been categorized in this same file, but that's really venting for another post.

So, this brings us to today when AJ made mention of something Carmen posted in her blog. And when she arrived in my office, we laughed about the post. And when I went to her blog, she mentioned how it is her goal to post once everyday this month so that she can participate in NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month). Well, intrigued by the similarity of the abbreviation with my aforementioned lovable NaNoWriMo, I had to inquire. Sure enough, it was the same pretense with a different writing outlet. Instead of creating a whole novel, all I needed to do was summon the energy to write something witty (or not even witty, but hopefully readable) once each day. Granted, I'm ten days behind, but since that's quite typical for me, I figured ten days late is better than never.

So here I am. Back on my blog. Now let's see how long NaBloPoMo can keep my interest.

Thursday, January 08, 2009

It's Boiling Outside

The sweet smell of the spices slowing dancing together in the heat of the water. The rhythmic beat of the drums being played in the yard. The sound of the children laughing as they danced around tapping tambourines on their legs. Every car slowing to honk and wave as they drive by. I sat in Mack's yard today as he hosted us to a seafood broil and let my senses take it all in. This is what I image the Lower Ninth Ward is supposed to feel like. A community that centers around each other.

To Mack, it was what he called a small token of thanks for all that we've done this week at The Village. But as I watched the neighbors follow their noses around the corner and grab a plate of shrimp and turkey neck, I knew it was much more. I only hope the students saw it too. With everything he does, Mack shows that it takes more than constructing a house to rebuild a town. He shows how you need to sit down and talk with people to find out what they are really experiencing and what they really need in order to help them. In the middle of a neighborhood that has been almost silenced by the storm, Mack brings the sound of life by bringing the people together. It's an amazing thing to watch.

So on the eve of our last night of service for the week, I'm keeping holding tightly to the sounds, smells and sights of this afternoon because they are what I want to think of when I think about making a difference.

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

The Value of Service

Our merry group of twelve are split into two service sites. Four of us are doing drywall on the house of a woman named Gwen. The other eight of us are working with Mack on The Village, the Lower Ninth Ward Community Center. When the bell rings at 5 p.m. each day, we meet up to dry back to Camp Hope. The four coming from Gwen's house inevitably show up with particles in their hair complaining of fighting over tools with the caddy girls who are also at their site. The remaining eight of us typically greet them while lounging in front of The Village talking with Mack. The drywallers are always upset that they've done "more work" than we have. Their complaining has become a joke; today we told them that Mack gave us money to go to the zoo after lunch.

All joking aside, it has got me thinking about the value of service. So many people feel like if you aren't sweating profusely or haven't pulled a muscle by the end of the day that the work you've done isn't worthwhile. And while I wish we had a bit more consistent of a flow at The Village, the work we are doing is laying the foundation for what will be the heart of this community. Isn't that worth just as much? I'm hoping I can get this group to see deeper than the surface labor to see what the bigger picture is of our work. And hopefully, this knowledge can be taken back to LMU so when they are considering service projects with their organizations, they can look beyond just where the biggest muscles are needed.

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

A Shift in Paradigm

So, a downfall of attending an AB Trip is staying at a camp where I am back to sharing nine showers with hundreds of other women. Being a bit of a germophobe and not having had to share a shower in ten years, it's a tougher adjustment than one might think. Especially when most of the stalls are covered in hair that other women have failed to pick up after themselves. And the ceilings are covered with daddy-long-legs and other such crawly critters. So, as I was racing through my shower yesterday (out of fear of touching something, not because of respect for the hot water quota), I realized that I just needed to shift my perspective for the week. Showering is not a luxury...it's a necessity. But come Saturday when I return to my lovely home, I may have to take a shower based on luxury just because I can!

A New Way to start the New Year

Almost ten years ago, Rosanna and I jumped into our fire red rented Dodge Neon and headed across the country for a 21 day adventure. Toward the end of our trip, we made a stop in good ol' N'Awlins. We pulled in late at night and stayed in one of the seediest hostels in which I've ever laid my head. We got up the next day, and fought through the exhaustion and the humidity to make our way into the French Quarter. After finding a new hotel, we walked through the streets of the Quarter and through the vendors of the French Market. We had a jambalaya dinner on a balcony overlooking Bourbon Street and treated ourself to a breakfast of beignets at the famous Cafe du Monde before heading out to our next location. Until three days ago, this was the only time I'd ever spent in New Orleans.

Now, here I write to you from The Village, a non-profit community center in the Lower Ninth Ward, whose mission it is to assist the people of this neighborhood to come home and become self-sufficient in this post-Hurricane Katrina world. Though still a work in progress, this place provides a little hope to a neighborhood whose devastation has barely begun to be healed.

Just driving from the airport to Camp Hope (our Habitat for Humanity home for the week), it was already clear to see how Katrina has left her mark in this area. We passed by neighborhoods where all of the houses that were see from the street were still boarded up. There are shopping centers where Sears, Blockbuster and Wal-Mart formerly mingled with mom & pop Po Boy shops, all of which are now ghostly versions of their former selves...barely-standing reminders of what one force of nature can do. I had an eery feeling the entire way down Judge Perez Highway. I knew I was in the suburbs of a major metropolitan area, but it felt more like I was in an abandoned village post a major war. Can I really be in America? Can it truly have been 3 1/2 years since this storm? Can our government really have done so little to help its citizens?

Before doing our part to make a difference in this community, my group and I headed down to the French Quarter to take in some sights. Most of the students had never been to NOLA before, so we wanted to fit in as much as we could. We jumped on the street car and rode down St. Charles St. to catch our walking tour of the Garden District. In my previous visit, my knowledge of New Orleans was limited to not much past the Quarter, so I was glad to see a new part of the city. And as we strolled to the front of the Ponchatrain Hotel and met Katie, the firey red-head of approximately 70 years, who was to serve as our tour guide, I knew this would be an enjoyable excursion. Katie relied on her animated features to brief us on the history of the area, including stories of some of the mansions and their previous and current inhabitants. People in the neighborhood waved their hellos because clearly Katie is a regular. But when the former state representative (and neighbor to John Goodman) stopped us to thank us profusely for coming to town to volunteer, I realized that this was no small deed we were doing. The people of New Orleans are so overwhelmingly thankful to all of the volunteers for every little bit that they do. The words and expressions are so genuine that it can't be denied that every little bit is truly making a different. And as we continued on the tour, I saw everything through new eyes. Every thank you we heard the rest of the day seemed to weigh more than any other words.

So, with my increased appreciation for the work we were doing, we set out for our first day of service. We drove into the Lower Ninth Ward, one of the hardest hit areas and one of the least assisted since the storm. We gathered at a small house to meet our service coordinators and were given our assignments. While four of our group went off to a woman's house to do sheetrock, the rest of us went down the street to meet Mack and learn about his dream for The Village. We arrived to the large metal building with little idea of what exactly we would be doing, and quickly were asked to help move some cabinets into a storage shed to protect them from some flooding that had occurred overnight from a major rain storm. Once the items were moved, we were on to trying to sweep the water out of the main room in the center. Before long, we were laying carpet in the future library area. As our hands were covered in glue and our eyes were strained from trying to match the seams of the tiles up, you could already feel how this place would one day be seen by the community. A place for the kids to come and sit instead of getting into trouble. A place for children to learn how to cook instead of learn how to be criminals. And all of this because of one man's vision and dedication: Amazing!

In the afternoon, after a brainstorming session with Mack, Heather (his donation's coordinator) took us on a tour of the neighborhood. She explained to us the meaning behind the markings on the fronts of the houses. During the storm, folks in boats sailed up to each house to search for survivors. An X indicated that the house had been search. The markings on top of the X indicated which agency had assessed the house. The markings to the left of the X indicated on what date the house was searched. And the markings to the right and below the X indicated how many people/bodies and pets were found in each house. Every house has one of these markings. Every house branded with the memory of this storm. And so few that have been erased of this tattoo.

Heather explained to us how many people who have been sent to live elsewhere after the storm are fighting to have the money to move home. Many barely received enough money from insurance companies to make any livable repairs to their houses, and since they are still paying their mortgage, they can't afford to make costly renovations. And if their grounds aren't maintained, the government places a notice on their front door giving them a court date to appear before their home is considered a blighted property. Well, if you're living in Austin, how are you supposed to know that there is a posting on your front door on El Dorado Street in New Orleans? How are you supposed to fight for your home if you aren't given a fair swing?

As I walked down the street, I couldn't help but be reminded of the townships in South Africa. These are communities that we learn about where justice is not being served and people are relying on the heart of the community to find renewal. The feeling is so similar here, except these are our neighbors. These are fellow Americans who many are turning a blind eye to because the media says everything is okay and because Mardi Gras can take place as usual.

And then Heather took us into a house that has not been touched at all since the day the storm hit. The front door wide open, we climbed the steps and were immediately hit with the overwhelming smell of mold. Couches, the living room table, curtains, a flat screen television, dishes, the fridge, chairs...all of it thrown together like a stew of furnishings. Someone's entire life left to rot under their fallen roof, damaged from the storm. The bedroom covered in books, shampoos, contents of the dresser...clothes still hanging in the closet. Picture frames and photo albums laying around the house. All of this proof that the family picked up to leave for what they hoped would be a couple of days, not forever. I stood among their belongings feeling helpless. I felt overwhelmed at the idea of having to gut the property; remove the belongings from their home. And I felt heart broken at the idea that these items have been left possibly forever. And as I considered what I was feeling, I imagined what it must feel like if I were the homeowners. What if this were my home? Would I have the strength to fight for it? I don't know.

What I do know is that right now I'm doing my part to fight for this community. Mack believes in the importance of the physical labor involved in creating the community center, but he also believes in the power of the networking and community outreach. He's helped me remember that it's just as important to get the word out about what little has been done in the Lower Ninth Ward and other areas since the storm. And 80% of what has been done has been accomplished by volunteers. When you see these houses firsthand and listen to these statistics, it makes sense why the thank yous are so heartfelt and genuine. Because even after 3 1/2 years, the volunteers are needed just as much now as they were on the first day.