Like Quicksand

It never ceases to amaze me how quickly things can just crumble. I woke up this morning ready to tackle some errands and work up the social energy for Stephanie's hen's party tonight. So I rolled out the door in hopes of doing a little Christmas price tag shopping and maybe find something cute for the evening's event (since apparently folks were planning to wear dresses). Though originally I was hoping for some company, I was excited to head out with my own agenda and get things done.

Halfway through the Galleria, I could feel the dark cloud shifting overhead. Before I knew it, every thought in my head was self-deprecating. With every breath, I felt like the hideous person that I see in the mirror each morning. It was terrible. It took everything in my power now to burst into tears in the middle of commerce central. I tried to walk it off, and even grabbed a Starbucks in hopes of filling myself up with a little warmth (literally and figuratively). But none of it worked.

Then, my mindset started to impact my reality. I left my purse in a fitting room (fortunately it was there when I returned). I accidentally ran a red light (fortunately all cars were at a stop and no cops were around). And I finally lost my strength not to cry and started tearing up on the way home (fortunately I was alone, so no one noticed).

So now I am home. I turned the Christmas tree on and lit my new candles. I have two hours to find some cheer before I have to get ready for the evening's events. But for now, I'll just sit in silence and let it all soak in.