Runaway

Fight or flight.  In my case, I always seem to lean toward flight.  I am having one of those days when I can't get the idea of running away out of my head.  The only problem with this is that wherever I run, I'm still there.  And I'm beginning to think it's me that's the problem.

32.  32 years I've been me.  And while I can't say that I've spent 32 years trying to work out my issues, I can say that I've spent at least six solid years working on mending my insides and at least another three years painfully self-aware.  So when days like today roll around, and all I can think about is how alone I feel or how I can't shake this never-ending funk, all I want to do is runaway and start over.  But, I know that doesn't work.  Because, again....alas, there I am!

This is typically when the spinning begins.  My mind begins spinning into a fury of "bleh" because I know that I can't runaway and that I can't seem to make progress where I am.  So that makes me feel stuck.  And as much fun as it is to feel like I'm sitting around with a broken heart, I'm growing tired of the cycle.

I realize this is pretty dramatic for a Saturday night blog, but the fact that it's Saturday night, and I am sitting alone surrounded by tissues (and not from my runny nose, this time) and pondering jobs far, far away, I couldn't help but be honest about what was running through my mind.